Suspicion of the Tradition's So New Wave!

Auf Wiedersehen

2008-05-22T10:41:12Z

This is my last post in this journal and by the end of the week I will go ahead and delete it in its entirety. For all of you who have not done so, please friend seymourgams. That is where all my future posts, video and not, will be from now on.

This "weekend" (Sunday and Monday for me) I have someone visiting so I won't be able to do my big post. Instead I will post snippets throughout the week and by the next "weekend" my webcam should arrive in the mail and I can start my usual postings after I wrap up my E! True Hollywood Story.

Catch you on the flip-side bitches, catch you on the flip-side.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2008-05-21T14:18:53Z

It's not the official first post I was planning (I have not gotten my webcam yet but maybe today when I got buy WiiFit) but I have started to post on seymourgams. I had a nice long post that I was mildly proud of (I've pretty much stopped writing more than a paragraph this year, which you've probably noticed.) and thought I should have it on my new journal since all these posts will shortly come to be nonexistent.

I'm going to finally buy that webcam!

2008-05-21T05:42:48Z

I just checked my checking account on my banks website and I got my tax rebate thing for $483. Wtf? Anyone care to explain that one to me?

This is what I get paid to do.

2008-05-18T09:04:07Z

Remember that baby you had on prom night in the dumpster outside of a Wendys that we aren't supposed to talk about anymore? Well you can stop worrying about what happened to it because even without you in it's life, it still has role models to look up to!

Did you know velcro, shopping carts, and area codes are younger than John McCain? Well you do now!

That's Very Similar To My Limit Break.

2008-05-16T07:07:47Z

Apparently this statue (which looks way too much like Cloud from Final Fantasy VII) by Luis Vuitton bag designer Takashi Murakami
was sold at Sotheby's for 15 million dollars.

Becky, Ben, Mooshe... has 4chan taught you nothing? Abandon your art school dreams, art of masturbating anime characters is where the real money is at!

Scarlet Waits, Conversations with Eva, Anna It's Been Too Long, and Video Killed the Blog Star

2008-05-15T05:13:16Z

Oh Scarlet! A Tom Waits cover with David Bowie on back vocals, how did you know? This is exactly what I wanted! *hug*

I'm sorry, I can't hear you Eva Mendes, you need to speak up. You went to rehab, really? For what? Oh, you're not sure either? It's okay, I'm sure someone noticed. Honestly, you must have a fan somewhere. Huh? How would posing topless in Italian Vogue make you feel better? Oh, good point. You did costar in Ghost Rider, I guess your judgment isn't that good. What? No I won't scratch your tits with my feet... that's just weird.

The Anna Nicole biopic that was announced briefly after her death last year recently leaked to the net and Rich the genius over at fourfour made this amazing collection of clips:

In actual important news, I got a new laptop this weekend (and had my wallet stolen in the process because I'm God's hackysack) and will be getting a webcam soon. What does this mean for you good citizens friendslistville? Video posts! I am awful about posting anything about my life on here when it is relevant so this way you can get a daily(?) dose of me. My plan (and I never stick to them but it is nice to give them life, ever so briefly) is to post little tidbits here at work and at home (I have wireless now!) daily and then on the weekends or every other do Jess and I's "Bitching in the Kitchen" show. We'll see how well that turns out. Long story short, hopefully this time next week you will be getting a big update on my life these past few months, video or not. Oh! I forgot to mention, you have to friend my new account seymourgams if you want to see those videos because I will be switching over to that account completely then.

My 'New' Fave Artist.

2008-03-16T20:23:33Z

'Cause AIDS is the gift that keeps on giving!

2008-03-15T07:40:09Z

I've been wanting this Mr. Tumnus lamp for awhile and being recently marked down I was about to purchase it. Then I noticed something a little off and decided I'd pass.

Apparently you can't give give someone the gift of cancer.

You can give a Hannah Montana wig as a gift though and I hear it comes AIDS <i>and</i> free shipping!

I thought I killed you!

2008-03-06T10:30:56Z

There is a trailer out for the new Anna Nicole biopic starring Willa Ford and it looks like it could almost be as good as Norma Jean and Marilyn!

I think I am getting the wrong message out of this...

2008-02-27T06:44:32Z

I am about fifteen minutes into the movie Jesus Camp and there is one thing I've noticed that 95% of the born-again Christians have in common... they are 31 flavours of fugly!

Do they literally make you be born again? Are they coming out of some sort of birthing canal that is altering their faces upon exit? A cesarean is in order or at least something else involving a scalpel.

[EDIT] On a related note, fuck you N.A.R.T.H.

Suck it Clarence Odbody!

2008-02-26T11:47:45Z

    You know your life and job aren't that bad when you take a 'smoke break' out on the porch while keeping warm in a Marty Mcflyesque jacket and a pair of fagalicious Adidas Sambas (both previously owned my gay porn star/director Michael Lucas!) while reading a satirical novel about the Home Shopping Network.

    Run on sentences are pretty darn spiffy as well.

    Barely legal latino boys from Oregon help too... a lot.

I thought you promised 2008 was going to be your sane year!

2008-02-21T08:51:20Z

Paula Abdul released her new single and video... which she thought was the next step after 'Hey Paula'. Does she have a manager, seriously? I am convinced it is one of those 20 chihuahuas she has that keep breaking her nose.

Next up is another crazy and personal favourite, Lindsay. I was going to leave you alone for awhile. You fucked a bunch of hot Italian guys and gave me the never ending gift that is 'I Know Who Killed Me' (go out and buy this movie NOW. Amputee strippers, one of those creepy hairless cats with GIANT balls, and the colour blue actually upstages Lindsay in almost every scene. Plus, a movie with an alternate ending and opening just screams quality!) last year so we were in a good place but then you had to go and do this photo shoot.

First of all, Marilyn was a fake Hollywood created hack but she was fucking fabulous and an icon, you are the girl who peaked in 'The Parent Trap' (mad props to Mean Girls though, love you Tina Fey!)

Secondly, EW. I've never referred to you as 'firecrotch', even though I found it mildly amusing, I now not only fully understand the term but wholeheartedly support it. I know you have no control over it (like your drinking) but can you turn the freckles down a tad? Maybe just grab one of those gigantic knobs you have and just... twist?

Now that we are on the subject, hello Loboobs. For some reason you can't help but let them all hang out here but in 'I Know Who Killed Me' you had to wear a bra with circles on them to look like nipples. Did you wake up the day before that photo shoot and saw yourself through our eyes and realized you have no career? Are they the moneymakers now? If so, they need names to put on the credits.

The last on Lindsay:

What. The. Fuck. Happened. To. Your. Face?! It looks like how Madonna's looks now and that is 50 years of being the biggest whore in the world, a bit of plastic surgery, and all tied together with a Kabalah string. You are what, 21 now? When you get to her age, you are going to look like a week old half-eaten ham sandwich.

Lastly I have to discuss this story I saw on Fox News (it is always on in the back office) about a man having gone missing recently (I'll give you a hint, he's not black! Who woulda thought, hmm?). I'd pull up a link but Fox New's site is fucking obnoxious to dig through but I can tell you that basically this man who recently became a father has gone missing. The woman kept crying and saying there is no way he could have left her, there was nothing wrong with their relationship, and they've never had problems because of their shared faith in God. While she was saying the first of twenty mentions of God, they started flashing pictures of her husband. Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl has no one ever told you how gay your husband looks? No, seriously. Did you meet him at a club? Was it called Manhole or anything else involving tools or construction? If you want to find your husband I suggest you start checking all the 'Gay for pay' sites, he is bound to show up any day now. Craigslist and your local gloryhole might be worth checking out too.

I <3/H8 My Sister and Her "Hermies"

2008-02-20T07:18:57Z

I made her this because I care... I do, honestly.

Actress, Model,Poet Laureate,Humanitarian, Eclipse Gum Spokeswoman, Auditor, and Grammy Award Winner

2008-02-11T07:36:35Z

I missed the Grammy Awards this evening so I was perusing their website and read through the ridiculously long list of winners and spotted this gem:

Category 53

Best Rock Or Rap Gospel Album
(For albums containing 51% or more playing time of VOCAL tracks.)

Before The Daylight's Shot
Ashley Cleveland
[204 Records]
HIStory: Our Place In His Story
The Cross Movement
[Cross Movement Records]
Open Book
Da' T.R.U.T.H.
[Cross Movement Records]
The Reckoning
Pillar
[Flicker Records]
Comatose
Skillet
[Atlantic/Lava/Ardent/INO]

Well that can't be that hard to win, could it? Just rap about Jesus for 60 minutes, record it, get 'Heaven and Earth' to sell it, and the Grammy will be mine. If that doesn't work, there is always the Polka category... or Native American but that involves forged papers and I do not have the time or energy for that.

Grammy award winner, just another thing to add to my already bloated resume.

Your Body is a Wonderland

2008-02-06T19:29:19Z

Thank you John Mayer for making this sick boy feel better with a laugh.

Thanks to whomever emailed this to me, I honestly can't remember.

xander_cane @ 2008-02-02T05:43:00

2008-02-02T10:44:39Z

If you haven't seen The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters you are missing out on an amazing man:

MR. AWESOME!

Riding on a Jesus Horse You and Me!

2008-02-01T15:22:38Z

Had to 'repost' this...

2008-02-01T05:13:28Z

I couldn't have said it better Randy.

Theirs was not an evil relationship, but evil came because of it!

2008-02-01T04:54:15Z

Do any of you own a copy of Josie Cotton's 'Invasion of the B-Girls' ?

This is mostly directed at city_of_dis and dlobok but anyone else is welcome to suprise me.

In other news, if I ever meet a guy geeky enough (or a guy in general) willing to wear this shirt, I will be extremely happy (and dorky).

Ping-pong trick included.

2008-01-31T12:08:46Z

Any guy who had the balls to take me to White Castle on Valentine's Day would be guaranteed to get laid.

Fo' serious.

There is a God!

2008-01-29T11:25:36Z

Someone got a hold of a copy of "Smash Brothers Brawl" and has been playing through the Subspace Emissary. They keep posting pictures and leaking characters... I am so happy in my pants you can't even comprehend!

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and Lucario. Wee...

And my old main FALCO!!!

[EDIT] Sheik sipping tea with Starfox?! That just made my pants burst into flames!

May the Lightning Strike Me Where I Stand

2008-01-29T10:10:22Z

Someone needs to cockslap John Gibson and the religious right as a whole.

    "Christians*" need to realize what their own damn holy book states. "You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name." Every time I say "God damn!" or "Jesus Christ" that is NOT what that is referring to. When someone starts a war, a jihad, a crusade in the name of God that is what this means. When you suggest the killing or encourage the physical and/or mental anguish of a person because they do not share your beliefs in the name of God, YOU ARE BREAKING YOUR OWN COMMANDMENT. When you go on national television and state that someone died because they were homosexual or played a homosexual in a movie no less and it was God's doing... not only are you a complete asshat but you are breaking your own commandment. STOP PUTTING WORDS IN GOD'S MOUTH.

    Stop relying on small passages in the old testament to support your completely unfounded homophobia. Not only do you seem to be completely ignoring the new testament (which last time I checked happens to be the main thing that MAKES YOU CHRISTIAN AND NOT JEWISH) and its message of tolerance, love, and acceptance but you are picking and choosing which parts of it you want to believe in.

Example: "These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
¹⁰ And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
¹¹ They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
¹² Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you."

    So you know what? Every time you and your fat ass 2.5 kids go to Red Lobster and enjoy your gluttonous (how nice of me to not bring up how wrong <i>that</i> is, I am trying to give you a break!) "All the Shrimp You Can Shove into Your Puritanical Mouth" night, you are being just as sinful as when I suck some dick.

If you didn't follow that here it is again laid out in easy to read math form:
You+ A Nice Juicy Shrimp Cocktail = Me+ A Nice Juicy Cock and 'Tail'

Hey, don't shoot the messenger! This is all coming from God baby.

    To get back to my original topic, if any of you feel like sending an email or letter off to Fox News about Gibson which could help him get kicked off the air, here is some contact information:

Mr. Mitch Davis
Vice President
Fox News Radio Network
1211 Avenue Of The Americas
18th Floor
New York, NY 10036-8701
Direct Phone: *212-301-5800
Outlet Fax: *212-301-5455
Outlet Phone: 212-301-3000
Email: mitch.davis@foxnews.com

Mr. Robert Finnerty
Senior Vice President
Fox News Radio Network
1211 Avenue Of The Americas
18th Floor
New York, NY 10036-8701
Direct Phone: *212-301-5800
Outlet Fax: *212-301-5455
Outlet Phone: 212-301-3000
Email: robert.finnerty@foxnews.com

Ms. Irena Briganti
Vice President of Public Relations
FOX News Channel
1211 Avenue Of The Americas
Lowr C1
New York, NY 10036
Direct Phone : *212-301-3608
Outlet Fax : *212-382-1411
Outlet Phone : 212-301-3000
Email: irena.briganti@foxnews.com
Contact by: E-mail

Ms. Suzanne Scott
Vice President, Programming
FOX News Channel
1211 Avenue Of The Americas
Lowr C1
New York, NY 10036
Direct Phone : *212-301-8558
Outlet Fax : *212-382-1411
Outlet Phone : 212-301-3000
Email: suzanne.scott@foxnews.com

foxnewsradio@foxnews.com
gibsonradio@foxnews.com

JOHN GIBSON
john.gibson@foxnews.com
212-301-3000

If God exists and for some reason is bored off his celestial ass and is reading my livejournal: THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT NEED SMITING.

*not all Christians obviously, I am not trying to make that blanket of a statement. I am referring to most of those that I have had contact with over the years and the corrupt God-Puppets who make public announcements and get on television to spew hatred and ignoranc

I <3 medical oddities

2008-01-29T08:45:14Z

xander_cane @ 2008-01-27T10:25:00

2008-01-27T15:45:51Z

I am still planning on the new journal but today is the start of my weekend and it is filled with long overdue chores and social obligations. I will be doing things to further the second coming of my journal, such as finding my battery charger so I can start using my camera again and cleaning up the room so I might actually be able to post videos from here.

I was partially joking before but holy fuckshit do I have a lot of clothing. I am trying to do as much laundry as I can do today and it is taking forever. I am definitely going to be selling on ebay or giving away some of my clothes (that are still in decent shape), so anyone who wants a piece of me just ask!

While on the topic of ebay, I did in fact win Michael Lucas' adidas shoes. So now I can say I have walked in the shoes of a porn star/director. Awesome-o.

This is my to-do list, feel free to completely ignore it. It is just a reminder to myself anyway.

1. LAUNDRY
-PUT IN BUCKETS FOLDED OR ON HANGERS
-THROW OUT NON-STANDARD SOCKS
-WASH COMFORTER

2. FIND
-BATTERY CHARGER FOR CAMERA
- TIES FOR WORK(MOST LIKELY ALL TOGETHER IN A BAG, READY TO BE CLEANED)

3. AROUND TOWN
-PICK UP WOOL WINTER COAT FROM CLEANERS (BEFORE IT BECOMES POINTLESS)

4. CALL
-CONNOR ABOUT TONIGHT'S DATE
-THOMAS AND FIND OUT WHEN OR IF HE STILL WANTS TO HANG OUT
-JESSICA AND FIND OUT WHEN OUTBACK GATHERING IS
-DAN FOR POSSIBLE SECOND DATE TOMORROW (YES I AM PIMP, DEAL)

5. KITCHEN/FAMILY ROOM
-WASH DISHES IN SINK
-REMOVE WEIGHTS
-CLEAN UP TABLE NEXT TO CHAIR
-GO THROUGH UNREAD MAIL/MAGAZINES (RECYCLE!)

6. MEDIA
-UPLOAD ANY FOUND CDS ONTO LAPTOP
-PUT DVDS IN DVD BUCKET AND POST ON DVDAF.COM
-PUT ALL 'ADULT MATERIALS' BACK IN 'DIRTY DUFFLEBAG'

7. PERSONAL
-WORKOUT (CRUNCHES AND WEIGHTS TODAY)
-GET HAIRCUT, YOU DAMN HIPPIE
-TIDY UP STEAMBOAT WILLY

8. KIFFY
-CLEAN OUT FOR DATE
-OIL CHANGE

Last Post for "Today"/ Software Requests

2008-01-24T14:48:00Z

Due to the new(ish) laptop I am missing some programs that would greatly help in my soon to be new journal. Namely a simple program to use for making animated icons or gifs in general. Also some sort of Photoshopesque program would be fanfuckingtastic. Thanks!